Love vs Live

A woman of worldliness blinks back tears and quells the waiver in her voice.

Her life of transience has granted her no favours in relationship longevity.

"Why won't you fight for me?"

"Because I know I'll lose."

She braces herself as her heart retreats.

"The Love I want to give, isn't the Love you need. So this is the only way I can."

"Goodbye."

Consolidating

In my sojourn at home, I've had a lot of time for myself to sort things out- internally and externally.

Internally...I've always been quite aware of what's going on in my head and heart in the philosophical sense. So, when it comes to pondering life...easy! I can move through the motions and make an interpretive dance of it.

Like this:

Externally...I'm like this:

Attempting to consolidate my Super Funds

What does this all MEAN!?!

Still a long ways until I attain 'true' balance. I'm thinking...I need to find me a partner who understands this stuff! 

Blast from the Past Deb

Today I received a letter from myself written well over a year ago before my mobilisation back to Cambodia for my final stint with Senhoa. 

30/9/11

Dear Future Me,

You had heaps of fun in Canberra and hopefully this warm, fuzzy feeling will resonate as you read this.

By this time, I reckon you’ll have collected a whole heap of new memories and fingers crossed a bit of humility amongst them.

What you’ve done is bloody awesome and so far removed from ‘normal folk’ everyday stuff and that makes YOU pretty awesome. BUT just let people figure that out! Get off that grand standing soapbox! As long as you feel within yourself you’re a good person and have done well, that will glow from within and you’ll be a delight all round.

Congratulations 26 year old me!!

Young, fit, healthy and loved. What more can you ask for?

Actually…it’ll be good if you learn how to save…or earn money for that matter…

Love you, love me.

-Past Me

Obviously I felt that I was getting to a point of unbearable cockiness. I had to tell myself to reign it back! However still, I proceeded to self-praise. Contradictory? Nah. 

For me to learn to accept compliments, I had to learn how to compliment myself so that when I did receive nice words it wouldn't go to my head, blow up my ego, or seem like I was feigning modesty. I would absorb and let it reaffirm that I'm on the right track; people see in me what I see in myself. 

What more can I ask for?